This is the brave new world.
Gone are the days when the biggest worry was whether your date was going to ghost you. Now, we’re navigating a world with OnlyFans, whose emergence has introduced a novel dynamic into the dating scene, redefining the boundaries of online intimacy and posing unique challenges and opportunities for those seeking romantic connections.
In this special Valentine’s Day edition, The Shib explores the provocative realm of OnlyFans and shares insights from a relationship coach on how to adapt your search for love in a world that has been changed forever.
Digital Intimacy Redefined
OnlyFans, a platform known for monetizing intimate content, has blurred the lines between personal connections and transactional relationships. Relationship coach Abel Keogh says this has set unrealistic standards for physical appearance, lifestyle, and relationship dynamics, leading to confusion and mistrust among those seeking deep and meaningful connections. Intimacy commodification not only complicates dating but also impacts long-term relationships, potentially undermining the foundation of trust and mutual respect.
Keogh, who has authored four relationship guides and two memoirs about overcoming loss and moving forward, emphasizes the critical role of open and honest communication in addressing the challenges posed by OnlyFans and similar platforms.
His advice is to “be upfront about personal values, boundaries, and non-negotiables within the relationship, including participation in or consumption of pornography,” which is a “common mistake” among couples who “fear the relationship will end once that happens.”
“Ultimately, such behavior, which involves hiding one’s standards and not enforcing them, hurts both parties by prolonging a relationship that is not going anywhere in the long run,” Keogh points out. “It is also essential to respect each other’s choices and boundaries, even if they lead to difficult decisions regarding the relationship. If participation in or consumption of OnlyFans content is indeed a dealbreaker for one partner, it is crucial to acknowledge and honor that boundary, even if it means ending the relationship.”
The societal perceptions and stigmas surrounding platforms like OnlyFans complicate the dating dynamic. But he recommends confronting and addressing the stigma head-on, fostering an environment of mutual respect and consent.
“Participation in or consumption of sites like OnlyFans harms, damages, and ultimately destroys relationships. I’ve talked with many broken-hearted men and women whose self-image and confidence are shattered once they discover their partners’ use of such sites behind their backs. This leads to trust issues and makes them more hesitant to date because of their experiences. People don’t want to get burned twice.
“You are not doing yourself or your date any favors by hiding something that will eventually come to light. By concealing your activity or involvement, you’re indicating to your date that you don’t respect them or their values,” he warns.
There is nothing wrong with walking away from a relationship where you’re not treated like number one.
Relationship Tips
Keogh, who has been happily married for two decades, has some important advice about dating and forging strong relationships:
Self-awareness and self-respect are key to navigating a world influenced by OnlyFans. Keogh urges individuals to recognize their worth and not to settle for relationships where they feel undervalued or disrespected. The importance of finding a partner who is willing to commit fully, without the interference of virtual or physical third parties, cannot be overstated.
But it is also important that you are ready to enforce your own red lines. “You deserve to be with someone who can give you his or her entire heart and not share intimate parts of themselves with strangers online. There is nothing wrong with walking away from a relationship where you’re not treated like number one,” Keogh says.
A Creator’s Trauma
The evolving dynamics of finding love in this new era can not only be challenging for users but also emotionally daunting for creators. OnlyFans model and TikTok user @kimchiprincesa has provided a candid glimpse into the less-discussed emotional and psychological challenges faced by creators. She talks of the mental toll her work has taken, emphasizing a significant decline in her emotional and mental health. Her reflections offer a poignant counter-narrative to the often glamorized perception of content creation, highlighting the complex realities behind the facade of financial success on OnlyFans and similar platforms.
Watch her video here: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimchiprincesa/video/7259517335936011562
“I’m trying so hard not to get super upset while sharing this, but if I’m being honest, my mental health since I’ve started this has just slowly, like, been on such a decline,” the OnlyFans model admits, adding, “But if I’m being so honest, that really is like, the only upside to doing it. Just the ability to very quickly make extra cash.”
‘One of Two Hearts’
Many individuals gravitate toward OnlyFans expecting to find emotional satisfaction and enrichment in their personal lives. But the platform often complicates the emotional dynamics, leading to nasty surprises and even shattered lives.
This disruption stems from a complex interplay between digital intimacy and personal expectations, challenging the traditional pathways to emotional fulfillment. Adapting to the intricacies of modern love involves combining respect, communication, and empathy with an appreciation for the nuances of digital interaction.
As Keogh puts it, “Know what you want in a future partner and don’t compromise on the big issues. You deserve to have someone who can give you his or her entire soul. You shouldn’t have to share your partner with others physically or virtually. Ultimately, if a relationship is going to succeed, it needs to be one of two hearts. This cannot happen if one or both of you are participating in sites like OnlyFans.”
